Characters: Dakota and Anna (played by br.)
Content Warnings: None
Location: The Petrikov House
Mika still holds a few grudges from Anna leaving her for so long. Even though they talked about them and they're supposed to be in the past, Mika can't get her mind off of them as she and Anna try and establish a friendship routine again.
Mika and Anna try to spend time with each other. Anna feels progressively better, Mika feels progressively worse.
Mika has not been to the Petrikov house in forever.
She used to visit every now and then--her parents weren't much for visitors for various reasons and their house was never tidy enough for any guests. Anna's unsettling house is an odd comfort to her, despite the vast emptiness so unlike any house Mika has ever lived in. Before the Levasseurs, she had to carve her space into a home--and then with them, she built her way into the chaos.
There is so much empty space in Anna's house that Mika always grieves it.
They arranged to catch up, now that Mika's grudge has been mostly set to the side. She rings on the doorbell one day, when the sun is just setting.
The Petrikov house was full of life once (outside of parties) in Mika's memory, it goes like this:
Mika is young, and a tall red-headed woman drives her to a house, a child about her age sitting in the back of the car with her. When she gets to the house, there is a light on in one of the tall windows. An older woman greets them at the door, tuts over Mika and gives her one of the child's sweaters, too big on her. There are people sitting in the kitchen, quiet chatter washes over Mika as she's sat on the couch. The other child carefully brings her a hot drink, spills a little on her own hand. The empty space is almost filled, but not quite.
Anna greets Mika at the door now, and the emptiness yawns out behind her. She looks small in its vastness, like a child again.
She always preferred Mika's house, the sparse times she got to visit.
"Hello," she greets Mika softly. "Come in... Are you hungry...?" She's still a bit hesitant around Mika, their fight lingering in her mind.
It's hard to remember Mika was so small back then, but when she sees the house again it all comes back to her. She was cold and wearing clothes that were too big for her--hand me downs--and the only way she communicated with the adults that asked her questions was to shake her head or nod.
Anna was the first person to ever get any further communication from Mika (much to every adult's complications). She drew her a picture on the notebook she'd been given to communicate better. It was just a scrappy drawing of a show she'd seen on the hospital's TV. It was also the first step she took in requesting things from others.
Then in middle school, and in high school, she'd head to Anna's house after school, complaining rapidly in sign language about bullies and weird boys and nagging parents. They'd sequester themselves in Anna's room and Mika would draw or fiddle with a small project her mom gave her while Anna showed her the newest song she'd learnt on her cello. Mika never missed any of Anna's performances, until she did.
snack, she signs in lieu of an answer. The house is familiar enough that she can walk in, take her shoes off, not feel like too much of a stranger.
how are you.
Unperturbed, Anna turns to go to the kitchen. Mika will definitely follow, with the promise of snacks. "I'm... fine," she demurs. "A little tired. I was up late working on a composition..."
In the kitchen, she opens the pantry door and gestures to Mika. "Pick what you like, I bought some things." She hopes Mika still likes the same snacks that she used to... "How are you?"
Mika does follow with the promise of snacks. She's never been one to turn down free food, and despite her small size, she eats like a beast.
(disordered eating) ||It was worse when they were younger. She'd steal things from Anna's pantry and hide them in her bag or in her clothes then under her bed when she got home, under Anna's if it was a sleepover. The habit has been relieved by now but she still eats like a woman starved.||
She looks through Anna's pantry now calmly and picks out a demure and mindful amount of snacks--mostly cookies and sweet things, before turning back to Anna.
i'm ok. tired. things are weird. visions are weird. composition?
“Mm, a friend and I are doing a collaboration. We’re going to have a concert, I’ll let you know when the details are final.” She looks a little brighter as she talks about it…
The visions… Anna never asks about them. She’s spent years plugging her ears and pretending that magic doesn’t exist. Even when they were young, she rarely brought them up. If Mika mentioned them, she would listen. Otherwise, she closed her eyes tightly and ignored it.
“Weird… How so…?” She’s hesitant, slow in asking.
Anna always looks a little happier when talking about music, though you'd never be able to tell if you never spent as many hours watching her as Mika has. The only reason Mika knows anything about music is for Anna. (She practised playing piano, for a time, unbeknownst to anyone but her parents and her teacher. But she hates making noise in general. It was worth a shot.)
She hasn't seen any sort of concert in the future. She hopes it manifests regardless and nods eagerly (for her) at Anna.
i've been seeing less clearly. Unwraps the packaging of a cookie. Sticks it in her mouth while writing. like something is blocking my path.
"I see..." Anna fiddles with the end of her braid. "Have you ever had that happen before...?"
She has something else she wants to know, something more selfish. It's hard for her to work up the courage to ask. She's never wanted to ask. Never wanted to know.
Anna never asked, so Mika never told her. When they were together they would pretend the visions didn't exist and skirt around them the way you would an awkward medical diagnosis. If they got bad Mika would raise her hand and close her eyes shut and Anna would awkwardly wait until it was over.
So it's a little weird, hearing her acknowledge them now.
never. As far as she remembers. She tilts her head up at Anna. Maybe it's because of the years of knowing her and growing up with her, but...
did you want to ask something?
"Mm..." That's troubling. Maybe she should suggest that Mika tells someone about it, someone who knows about magic, or what it might mean...
She pauses at Mika's question, hesitant. Mika knows her too well... Sometimes she wishes she felt like she understood Mika as deeply. There are still parts of her that elude Anna.
"I just... wondered... You said that you saw that I was coming back. Did you... see... what made me come back...?"
Luckily for Anna, Mika does not confide in her about her magical woes for advice. So she doesn't mind its absence.
It makes sense. Anna, for all her introversion, has always been the more social out of the two. She had more people to focus on. Mika only really needed to read one person.
She shakes her head.
i can only see things i witness personally, so you would have known i know.
"Ah... Okay." Anna clears her throat, shifts to her other foot.
... "Parva was there," she says. It feels wrong for her not to tell Mika too. "At my concert. Something strange happened. The news called it a... mass hysteria, people all acting senselessly, like scared animals."
She finds it difficult to look at Mika. She looks at her nails instead. "I did it. I made them all feel like that. I don't really know why yet, or... I don't know. But I was afraid. So I came back."
Parva...
It's irrational, she's well aware, but there's that pang of bitterness that Parvaneh and Anna kept in touch after they left. Even though it was Mika's fault for ceasing her communications with both of them.
She looks up at Anna and blinks. Should she be surprised? She's not, somehow. Only wondering what font that could be.
does it happen every time you play? She asks instead.
She shakes her head. "Not every time. But sometimes. And sometimes it happens when I'm not playing. And..." Another pause, a stutter in her words. "And I can also feel things sometimes. What people are feeling."
Why does she feel so ashamed of this? Like Mika will judge her, or she won't want to be around Anna. Like she'll be scared of Anna.
"I'm scared of it," she admits. "I hate it."
It's worse when it's first starting. Difficult to understand and even harder to control. She gets it. When her visions first started they were debilitating and uncontrollable. There was a point in which she was afraid of opening her eyes.
She presses her palm against Anna's shoulder, rubs it gently.
it's always hard to get used to. but equally as inescapable.
She leans into Mika's hand, just a little. Mika is one of the few people that Anna allows this kind of intimacy from. (And didn't that always make you feel special, Mika?)
"This wasn't supposed to happen," she sounds a little frustrated. "I don't want to get used to it. I don't want to be here..." Her shoulders tense, like she can just curl in on herself and hide from everything. "How do you bear it, knowing what's just inevitable...?"
(It did, before, back in high school. She was always trying to brush shoulders with Anna, fixing up her hair, straightening her collar. It’s different now. She feels like she’s lagging behind).
Mika didn’t want to get used to it either. Every solution made her optimistic that it would stop, until it didn’t anymore. It’s just an illness she lives with, now.
i do what i can with the time i have until then. Grow up scared waiting for her parents to find her. Share snacks with Parvaneh waiting for them to leave and die. Focus on work waiting for Anna to come back to New Portsmouth.
it’s easier if you share it with people. so they’re patient with you. and they know what to expect.
Anna's hair spills over her shoulders, brushes Mika's hand. She really hasn't spent time with Mika like this in a while... There's one blessing about being home. Even in her shiny new life, she was always lonely. No one touched her like this, no one comforted her, not outside of Parva.
"My parents don't know. Well... They might... But I haven't told them. Parva knows. You. Diosdado. Niko. ... That girl from the morgue."
She takes a breath, steadies herself. "I'm sorry that I never... let you share it with me. Your visions. You must have been lonely."
Parvaneh got ahead. And then Niko. What is Mika left with? She wonders if Anna was ever a little scared of her and that's why she didn't mind the distance.
...that girl from the morgue? That's an outlier in that list. She won't pry.
it's ok. i've been writing all of them down since i got adopted. Anna, you might remember the piles of notebooks in Mika's bedroom. Different designs and colors.
and my parents always helped. but when i was young it was scary. She gently rests her head against Anna's side. A feeble attempt at comfort. it felt like nothing i did would relieve them. which is why i say it's better to just accept it before you're scared of everything.
Anna's hand finds Mika's head. She strokes her hair gently. "I'm sorry, still... If you want to talk about it, any time... I'm here for you."
...
"I owe it to you... For being away so long." The guilt still eats at her. She'd always been by Mika's side when they were young, no matter what. But she let her down. Mika's just another entry on the long list of people Anna's disappointed. "I'll do my best to accept it. Thank you, Mika..."
She allows affection from her parents all the time, but Anna's is always different. Mika finds herself leaning into it but feeling a strange pit of despair forming in her chest.
(Later, way later, to her mother: i think i'm jealous.)
you don't owe me anything. She hasn't let go of the grudge. i'll help you figure out anything you need to figure out. just say the word.
"I do," Anna insists, quietly stubborn. She pets Mika's hair. She's slowly growing more comfortable with her again, returning to that easy closeness that they once shared. "You're my friend, I love you. I want to be more... more supportive."
"So you... just say the word too. Whatever I can do. Okay?"
'I love you.' (No you don't.)
The good thing about being Mika Levasseur is that nobody expects her to be as bitter as she actually is.
i love you too. i'll remember it. (You don't know me at all.)
She holds Anna's free hand and strokes the back of her hand with her thumb.
arc continued in i'll make you a bracelet to handcuff our friendship!